Let me start by saying I’m no spring chicken.

I turn 52 next week, the hot flushes are coming in thick and fast, and I’ve reached the stage of walking into a room and forgetting why I’m there. I pull back my jowls in the mirror and wonder how much another facelift would cost.

Which is exactly why I feel qualified to say this: as much as I wish I weren’t, I’m obsessed with Nine’s Married At First Sight – in particular, the ‘mature’ couples (yuck, I hate that term) who are closer to my age.

This year, I found myself glued to the relationship between Rebecca, a 51‑year‑old leasing agent, and her groom Steve, a ‘silver fox’ creative director, also in his 50s.

The season is already delivering the usual chaos: dinner‑party blow‑ups, accusations, tears and dramatic walkouts. But there’s something else simmering beneath the surface – a slow burn that I am seeing time and time again.

It’s the way some older men react when matched with a woman their own age.

This year, I was glued to the marriage of 50-something MAFS couple Rebecca and Steve. As it all fell apart, something dawned on me – and I’m not the only one thinking it

The Daily Mail caught the pair packing their bags as they left the experiment

It says an awful lot about the male ego, and possibly male delusion. Before you get out the pitchforks and accuse me of being man-hater (I’m not), let me explain.

I know I am not the only woman over 40 yelling the same thing at the TV this season. Steve isn’t just ‘confused’, ‘overwhelmed’ or – in his words – ‘worn down’.

From where I sit, it often looks like there may be a teeny-weeny feeling of disappointment he won’t admit out loud. Namely that being paired with an age‑appropriate woman wasn’t what he signed up for.

Before the couple’s exit from the experiment, he seemed to say it without saying it a few times. ‘Highly emotional, loud and rude’ stood out to me, in particular.

I think we all know what you really mean, Steve. Just bloody say it. Is she truly too much? Or is she simply not young, eager and easy to impress?

And it’s not just this couple. We’ve seen it before, the same old pattern of silver foxes – and I use this term loosely.

In 2024, there was Tim and the lovely Lucinda.

She was in her early 40s, but I still got the sense her on-screen husband would have preferred someone a little younger and more amenable to his ‘bachelor pad’ lifestyle.

Lucinda is, of course, far too gracious to criticise Tim, who I’m sure isn’t a bad bloke. However, she did say something in an interview after the experiment that I felt was quite telling:

Lucinda and Tim were a textbook example of a recurring MAFS trend: the ‘silver fox’ who seems to find women his own age ‘too much’

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‘I think there was a lot of resistance from him about who I was. You see him early in the season going, “Well, if she’s a meditator, we’re going to have some problems.”‘

Then there’s last year’s Morena and Tony – the most ridiculous example of the trend.

You might remember that Tony’s idea of a fun relationship involved fist bumps and ‘hug-locks’, which Morena wasn’t a fan of, obviously.

The wheels fell off pretty spectacularly with old mate admitting, ‘it got to a stage where I just couldn’t be around her and I was ducking and weaving and I was going to see my dog.’ How charming.

Oh, and the pièce de résistance? Tony blurting out that he had hopes of having a child. At 53. His wife was 57. Mate, that ship has sailed.

(As an aside, while researching this story, I wasn’t remotely surprised to see photos of him partying with a 23-year-old looking like the cat who got the cream. Sigh.)

If you’re not as well-versed in deciphering men’s language as I am, allow me to translate what Steve and his ilk usually mean when they say, or imply, that a woman their age is ‘too much’.

I don’t hear ‘too much’. I hear, ‘She sees straight through me,’ ‘I can’t get away with old tricks,’ ‘She expects effort.’

Morena and Tony – the most ridiculous example of the trend

You might remember that Tony’s idea of a fun relationship involved fist bumps and ‘hug-locks’, which Morena wasn’t a fan of, obviously

While researching this story, I wasn’t remotely surprised to see photos of him partying with a 23-year-old looking like the cat who got the cream

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Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are done with playing nice and fluttering our eyelashes. We’re not trying to be the ‘pick-me’, the cool girl. And we certainly aren’t going to shrink ourselves to make men feel a little bit better about their inadequacies.

We don’t want your kids or your money or your home, and we’re certainly not going to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny – despite how shiny your veneers are.

We’ve raised children, some of us alone. We’ve survived affairs, financial control, parental alienation and more. We know exactly who we are and what we expect.

Some men find that confronting. So instead, women like Rebecca – or women like me – get labelled ‘hard work’, ‘high maintenance’ or ‘a lot’.

Let me tell you a story.

I once dated a man in his 50s. He was successful, polished, professional – a genuinely nice guy, I thought. For the first few weeks, he loved that I was confident and had strong opinions. We would talk into the early hours. Then one night, he slipped up. I caught him fibbing about something and called him out on it. Lo and behold, he used exactly the very same words that old mate Steve used of Rebecca. Rolling his eyes, he said to me: ‘God Amanda, you’re a lot.’

A lot? Or simply old enough not to ignore flashing red flags, like a blatant lie?

Which is why I find the age-appropriate couples on MAFS so fascinating. They never work – even though, in theory, they should.

‘If you’re not as well-versed in deciphering men’s language as I am, allow me to translate what Steve and his ilk usually mean when they say, or imply, that a woman their age is “too much”. I don’t hear “too much”. I hear, “She sees straight through me,” “I can’t get away with old tricks,” “She expects effort”

I believe that, deep down, regardless of what men over 50 say, many are secretly searching for a woman who is younger, ‘softer’ and possibly more forgiving of their habits; who wants kids who’ll give them that prized ‘second family’; and who’ll be more easily impressed by the charm and security of an older man.

They may even simply like the fact they pick up the bill at the Botanical in South Yarra.

But for us Gen X women, we can see straight through their bulls*** before you can say ‘combover’.

So no, women like Rebecca aren’t ‘too much’, Steve. She is simply aware and, I suspect, unwilling to settle for mediocrity. She requires effort, accountability and emotional maturity – and honestly that’s confronting for a lot of men who think that having a decent wine cellar and an Audi is enough.

I hear my friends saying all the time that we either become a nurse or a purse for older men – which is why many of us love younger men who match our zest for life, our energy, our confidence. We don’t want marriage or commitment; we want fun.

The Steves, Tonys and Tims of our dating pool may say that women their age are ‘too much’ – perhaps they even believe it – but part of me suspects they simply don’t want to be with strong women their age. Doing so would require them to be better, more interesting, more evolved.

The older women get, the more integrity matters. We’re not simply after men for their wallet, physiques or their virility – we want them because they are good, decent, kind men. We want them for their character.

And that, readers, is why most of us are still single. If we are ‘too much’, that only means one thing: you are, quite simply, not enough.

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Source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-15586817/old-farts-MAFS-problem-wont-admit-40s-women-AMANDA-GOFF.html