“WHY DID YOU LET GO OF HIS HAND?”

James Bulger’s Father Reveals Haunting Guilt and Regret 20 Years After Son’s Murder

It remains one of Britain’s most harrowing crimes — the abduction and murder of two-year-old James Bulger. Two decades on, his father, Ralph Bulger, has revealed the raw anguish, regret and misplaced blame that consumed him in the wake of his son’s death.

Ralph Bulger, now 46, speaks candidly in his new book My James about the spiralling grief that overtook him after the toddler’s murder in February 1993. He admits that in his darkest moments he wrongly directed his anger at James’s mother, Denise Fergus, then his wife, believing she was at fault for momentarily losing sight of their son.

“There would be times when – quite unfairly – I blamed Denise,” Mr Bulger writes. “I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It was just part of my raging grief. I wanted to scream, ‘WHY DID YOU LET GO OF HIS HAND? WHY DID YOU LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT? He would still be here if it wasn’t for you.’”

Today, Mr Bulger says he feels “deeply ashamed” of having blamed Denise. “She loved James with her heart and soul,” he writes. “What happened that day was not her fault. It could have been any parent’s child.”

A Family Torn Apart

On 12 February 1993, Denise Fergus had taken James to the Strand Shopping Centre in Bootle, Liverpool. At a butcher’s shop she let go of his hand for a moment to pay for some meat. In that brief instant, two ten-year-old boys — Jon Venables and Robert Thompson — lured James away.

Initially, there was a flicker of relief when CCTV footage emerged showing James walking with the boys. “We assumed it must just be a childish prank,” Mr Bulger recalls. “We thought our son would be found unharmed.”

But the nightmare only deepened. The next day Ralph Bulger’s brother Jimmy broke the news he had dreaded. “I was punching the walls and I was just kicking and screaming before I collapsed and wailed like a baby,” Mr Bulger recounts. “We were both crying together, trapped in a world of pain that no one else could ever understand. Denise was inconsolable. To hear your wife crying in such way is unbearable. It was like listening to a wounded animal.”

James’s body was found on a railway line in Walton, Liverpool. He had suffered 42 injuries in a killing that shocked the nation and made headlines worldwide.

Misplaced Blame and Despair

Ralph Bulger confesses that in the months and years after the murder he spiralled into alcoholism, at one point drinking two bottles of whisky a day. He also thought about taking his own life.

“There is no question that I considered killing myself,” he writes. “The only thing that stopped me from doing so was the thought that I would be letting James down once again.”

He says one of his deepest regrets is that he did not take James with him that morning. Denise had asked him to bring the toddler along to a friend’s house, where Ralph was planning some DIY work. “I was normally happy to have James with me, but on this occasion, with all the tools, I was concerned that he might get hurt,” he recalls. “Not taking James with me that morning is the biggest single regret of my life.”

Justice and Aftermath

Jon Venables and Robert Thompson were convicted of murder later that year and became Britain’s youngest convicted killers in modern times. Both were released on life licence in 2001 after serving eight years in secure children’s homes.

Venables has since been recalled to prison twice, most recently in 2010 when he was caught in possession of child abuse images. In June of that year he received a two-year sentence. Thompson has lived under a new identity since his release and has not reoffended publicly.

For Ralph Bulger, these developments bring little solace. His book is not a plea for vengeance but a testament to the enduring pain of losing a child to violence. “We were trapped in a world of pain that no one else could ever understand,” he writes.

A Pain That Endures

Two decades on, Mr Bulger’s words still echo with grief. By publishing My James, he hopes to honour his son’s memory while showing how devastating grief can warp even the strongest bonds.

“I am deeply ashamed of blaming Denise,” he writes. “She loved James with her heart and soul, and what happened that day was not her fault.”

The story of James Bulger changed Britain. It sparked debates on youth crime, parental responsibility and the age of criminality. For Ralph Bulger, though, the debate is personal and ongoing — about guilt, regret, and love for the little boy whose hand slipped away on a February morning in 1993.

“I wanted to scream,” he writes. “‘WHY DID YOU LET GO OF HIS HAND? WHY DID YOU LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT?’”

That cry, now softened by time but never silenced, stands as a reminder of a father’s grief and a nation’s shock.